Superman was feeling bored
Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party.
He called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some young girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him.
A little disappointed, Superman “SMS” Spiderman to see if he Fancied a few beers but Spiderman said he had a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman’s apartment to see if she was free.
As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open and her eyes closed.
Superman thought to himself, ”So exotic, should I or shouldn’t I …wait ….I’m faster than a speeding bullet! I can be in there out again before she knew what happened.”
So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flies off happily.
Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said, “What is going on? Did you hear anything …?”
Hollow -Man replied, “No! But……. my AS* hurts like hell!!!!!”
The Day the Penis asked for a Raise
The Day the Penis asked for a Raise
I, the Penis,
hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response:
Dear Peniis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V.Gina
Smart Women
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit £200 million.” Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and few days later, she became his stepmother.
And then the fight started…
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…
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It got crowded in heaven
It got crowded in heaven, so it was decided only to accept people who’d had a really bad day on the day they died. On the first morning when the policy was employed, St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man in line, “Tell me about the day you died.”
The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early from work one day to catch her in the act. I searched all over the apartment, and couldn’t find him anywhere. So finally I went out on the balcony (we live on the 25th floor) and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. So I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, of course, but landed in some bushes and lived. So I went inside, got the refrigerator, and pushed it out over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act, though, gave me a heart attack, and so I died.”
St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day and that it was a crime of passion, so he let the man enter heaven. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died.
“Well, sir, it was awful. I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment, when I slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment beneath me, but then some maniac came out and started pounding my fingers! I fell, of course, but landed in some bushes and lived! But then the guy came out and dropped a refrigerator on me!”
St. Peter chuckles a bit, lets him into heaven, and decides that he could really start to enjoy this job. “Tell me about the day you died”, he said to the third man.
“Okay, picture this. I’m naked, hiding inside of a refrigerator…”
Fluctuations
An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.
The teller said, “Fluctuations.”
The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, “Fluc you Amelicans, too!”
3 gay guys
These 3 gay guys are sitting in a hot tub and a condom floats to the top. One of the gay guys says to the others “who farted?”
